‘No’ is a Gift: How Rejection Can Lead to Redirection and Growth
This post is part of my Lessons from the In-Between series—real stories and honest reflections on what helped me find my next step when the path ahead wasn’t clear. I’ve talked about changing your mind and finding clarity in action (not more thinking). Now let’s talk about the challenge of “no.” Because if you’ve ever heard a ‘no’ that shook you—you’re not alone.
I still remember exactly where I was when I opened that email—the one that said, “We have decided to move forward with another candidate.”
I don’t know anyone who loves hearing the word no.
It’s not exactly a confidence booster.
It can feel like rejection. Or failure. Or like something personal.
But here’s what I’ve come to believe:
There really is a gift in the no.
It doesn’t usually show up with a bow on top. It shows up in grief. In confusion. In deep disappointment. In all the things that make us question who we are and where we’re headed.
But when I’ve been willing to look beneath the surface—when I’ve had the courage (or desperation) to stay in the in-between long enough—I can almost always find something else there too.
Something clarifying.
Something unexpected.
Something better.
What Comes After No: Sitting with the In-Between
One of my biggest ‘no’s’ came in 2020, when I lost my job.
It was a job I had held for more than 20 years. A job I had poured my heart and soul into.
It was a blow. I wasn’t looking to leave. I wasn’t ready.
And I definitely didn’t have a backup plan.
That ‘no’ was disorienting. While it wasn’t totally a surprise, it still felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me.
But it also gave me something I didn’t know I needed: space.
Space to reimagine.
Space to ask deeper questions.
Space to wrestle with what I really wanted next.
Space to explore what else might be possible.
It was one of the hardest seasons I’ve ever walked through. But looking back, I can see it was also one of the most important.
Because that ‘no’ created an in-between—a liminal space—where something new could begin.
The Job I Didn’t Get (That Gave Me Direction)
That wasn’t the only ‘no’ that changed things. A while later, I applied for a different job. It was a part-time, remote job in a faith-based organization in a role that blended business and spirituality. I thought it was perfect for me. I thought I was perfect for it.
And when I made it through two rounds of interviews, I started imagining what life would look like.
Steady income. Flexible schedule. Great people. Coaching on the side.
It all made so much sense.
Until I got the email.
“It was a difficult process… We appreciate the time you’ve invested… we’ll keep your resume on file…”
That ‘no’ hurt. And if I’m being really honest, it made me angry.
But I know that anger usually just masks something deeper. Once the anger wore off, I could feel the real emotion: I was scared.
Because at the time, it felt like it was my last good option. Or at least my last safe option.
And all I had left was this business idea that was still barely a thing.
I’d been contemplating building my own thing for a while and I’d started making some small initial moves. But I was still only thinking about it as a part-time, sometimes kind of thing. It felt way better (read: safer) to do this on the side while I had a regular gig for support.
But here’s what happened: that no pushed me forward.
It forced me to stop straddling both sides of the fence.
No more half-in, half-out.
No more hedging. No more backup plan.
That no forced me to get serious about what I really wanted. It pushed me to get honest about how I’d feel if I didn’t give this new thing my all and try to make a go of it.
I stopped applying for jobs—and started building a business.
Was it scary? Absolutely. Was it easy? Not even a little.
But that ‘no’ gave me direction and focus.
‘No’ is Just the Beginning of ‘Normal’
I wish I could say the no’s stopped there.
But nope. They're a part of life—especially a life that’s growing.
Since starting this business, I’ve had plenty of them:
Opportunities that looked promising but disappeared.
Clients I hoped to land but didn’t.
Program launches that didn’t get the response I wanted.
They all stung in different ways.
Some made me question my message.
Some made me question my value.
Some made me want to crawl into bed and avoid trying again.
I don’t sugarcoat it. And I don’t rush past it. I let myself feel the disappointment.
But I try not to stay there.
Because what I’ve come to see—again and again—is that every ‘no’ can teach me something.
Sometimes it shows me who I’m not meant to serve.
Sometimes it helps me clarify what really brings me joy.
Sometimes it pushes me to rethink what I’m offering, and why.
Each of those no’s has refined me. Shaped me. Sharpened my vision.
I think of my friend—a math teacher—who keeps a sign in her classroom:
FAIL = First Attempt In Learning.
I have always struggled with the word “fail” but I love this reframe.
There’s such wisdom in it—it’s the epitome of developing a growth mindset. That first program that flopped? That wasn’t failure. That was a first draft. A field test. A first attempt in learning.
Because the ‘no’ isn’t the end. Sometimes it’s just the first step in figuring out what’s next. In my experience, even though the ‘no’s’ don’t feel like a gift at first, they’re often the doorway to something I couldn’t have seen otherwise.
Is it Rejection—or Redirection?
‘No’ used to feel like rejection.
Now, more often than not, it feels like redirection. Or even refinement.
Sometimes a no just means not yet.
Sometimes it means not here.
And sometimes it means there’s something better.
Not every opportunity is meant for me. Not every yes would have been good for my soul. Not every door that closed was keeping me from something.
Some of them were saving me for something.
Seeing the gifts in each of my ‘no’s’ is a shift in perspective that has opened up new possibilities—and moved me closer to my purpose.
That’s the ‘yes’ I’m sure of.
Because this work I do now? Coaching people who are in-between—stuck, stretched, or starting something new? Helping them move through disappointment and into new direction? Offering tools to help them get clear on what matters most and move forward with intention and joy?
That’s not just my job. That’s my purpose and my calling.
Finding Your ‘Yes’ amidst the ‘No’s’
What ‘no’ have you experienced lately?
What’s the unexpected gift it might be offering?
What could it be making space for?
If you’re in the middle of a ‘no’ right now—if you’re in that tender space between what was and what could be—I want you to know you’re not alone.
And you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
This is exactly the kind of work I do with my coaching clients: helping you shift perspective, explore new possibilities, and move forward with purpose.
If that’s something you’re longing for, I’d love to connect.
Because there really is a gift in the no.
And sometimes the most powerful yes begins there.
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