Feeling Disconnected? What If You Made Space for What Makes You Feel Alive

This is the fifth post in my series, Creativity in Real Life—exploring creativity not as talent or performance, but as a practical skill for everyday living.

In the last few weeks, we’ve talked about creativity as a way through stuck places… uncertain seasons… and that vortex of overthinking.

But there’s another place creativity matters just as much.

It shows up when life starts to feel a little too efficient… a little too responsible… a little too focused on what needs to get done.

Because sometimes the problem isn’t that we don’t know what to do next.

It’s that we’ve forgotten how to feel fully alive in the life we’re already living.

Two years ago, I went off to a coaches’ retreat… vaguely aware that something in my life felt a little off.

Nothing dramatic.No big crash or crisis.

Just a subtle sense that I was getting out of alignment.

At the time, I didn’t have great language for it. But I’ve learned that when I slow down enough to look and listen — and give God a little room to work— clarity tends to come.

And it did.

The Life That Looked “Fine”

Our first activity at the retreat was to look at our Areas of Focus—the things that matter most in our lives.

I had mine named.

Three were about work.Then there was Self, Family, and Friends.

Six areas. It had felt complete when I first created it.

But sitting there, looking at it again two years later, I saw it with fresh eyes.

Three out of six were work-related.

Now… I own my own business. Of course work takes a lot of time and attention.

But even high-achieving me could recognize what that meant.

Half my life — on paper — was work.And the other half?

The basics.

Me. My family. My friends.

And if I’m really honest… I knew which half was getting most of my attention.

That was the root of the unease.

Because my life wasn’t just full — it was… functional.

Always living by the task list.What’s next?What needs to be done?How can I use this time well?

Productive. Efficient. Responsible.

And just a little bit flat.

I didn’t leave that session with answers.

But I had a new question:

How might my Areas of Focus need to change in order to help me live a more abundant life?

The Question I Didn’t Want to Answer

On Day 2, we shifted into business-building, learning a helpful framework for growing strategically.

I was all in.

But in the middle of it, our facilitator asked a simple question:

“Are you building the business you want to have?”

I wanted to ignore it. Or un-think the answer that was already forming.

But I couldn’t.

Because the honest answer was… no.

Or maybe more accurately:

Not really.Not yet.

I loved my work. I still do.

I loved this little business I was building.

But I could see it… I was starting to build it in a way that was starting to consume me.

Some of the strategies I was using weren’t fully aligned with my values or strengths, which meant they were demanding more time and energy than they should have.

And here’s the tricky part about work you love:

I could do it all the time.

There is always something to do. And because I enjoy it, it doesn’t always feel like a problem.

But doing it all the time eventually leads me to resent the very thing I love.

That old cliché came back to me — and it landed a little too close to home:

“All work and no play makes Kathy a dull girl.”

And more than that…

I knew I was missing some part of myself.

The Part of Me that Got Left Behind

On Day 3, we used a tool to reflect on peak experiences from earlier in life—moments that brought joy, energy, and deep satisfaction.

As I looked back, something became clear.

Over and over again… singing and performing showed up.

That had been such a joyful part of my life.

And it wasn’t anymore.

Not because I had consciously decided to stop.

It had just… faded.

Crowded out by responsibilities. By adulthood. By building a life that worked.

That was the moment I could name it:

There was a part of me that hadn’t been expressed in a long time.

I didn’t leave the retreat with a plan.

But I did name a new Area of Focus:  Creative Play.

I didn’t fully know what it meant yet.

But naming it gave me permission to start paying attention.

Finding My Way Back (One Small Step at a Time)

There wasn’t an immediate change.

I simply lived with Creative Play named as an important part of my life. 

Then, eventually, some research.  

I embraced a creative prompt and asked:  How might I get involved in local theatre or singing groups?

I looked at websites.  Made mental notes of a few possibilities.

And then… I did nothing.

Because life kept moving.

Work got busy again. Fall picked up. And I slipped right back into my familiar rhythm.

Until that phrase came back again:

“All work and no play makes Kathy a dull girl.”

So I revisited one of the options I had found. A local women’s chorus (Buffalo Gateway Chorus) was inviting women to join them for a Christmas event.

Three rehearsals.Three songs.One performance.

That’s it.

It felt manageable.

A small experiment.

Not a full commitment. Not a life overhaul.

Just… try it.

So I did.

What I Didn’t Expect About Saying Yes

That was a year and a half ago.

That “experiment” is now part of my weekly life.

And I can tell you this:

It lights me up.

I remember standing on stage at an international competition last October…

Singing with my whole self—fully engaged.

And hearing the other voices blend together.

There was this moment of feeling both uniquely important…

and completely held by something bigger than me.

Connected.

Alive.

Present.

It’s demanding — which my little Achiever heart actually loves.

But it’s also exhilarating. Expansive.

It wasn’t an easy “yes” at the beginning.

I had to work through the practical thoughts:

“This is too much right now.”“Maybe later, when the business is more established.”“Is it really worth the money?”“Can I afford the time?”“What if someone in my family needs something?”

All very reasonable.

And also… very familiar.

I’ve learned that those thoughts tend to show up whenever something matters—but doesn’t look strictly necessary.

But here’s what I didn’t expect.

The commitment itself is part of what makes it work.

Because if this had been something flexible—something I could “fit in when I have time”…

I know myself well enough to know I’d skip it more often than not.

Work would expand.The task list would win.Something “more important” would always come up.

But having it on the calendar…

Having people who expect me to be there…

Having something that requires my presence…

It keeps me accountable—not just to them, but to myself.

And over time, I’ve come to appreciate that structure.

Because I can feel the difference it makes.

I feel less insular.Less isolated.More like myself.

The version of me with the sparkle in her eyes.

You’re Not the Only One Feeling This Way

This might be my story.

But I hear versions of it all the time from the women I work with.

Women who are responsible.Needed.Capable.

Women who have learned how to keep everything running.

And somewhere along the way… something – or someone – gets set aside.

Not intentionally.

Just gradually.

And when we start to talk about it, it doesn’t always come out as:

“I need more play.”

It sounds more like:

“I feel disconnected.”“I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore.”“There’s just no time for that.”

And yet… the desire is still there.

To feel whole.To experience lightness.To be curious again.To feel alive in their own lives.

The form it takes is different for everyone.

Swimming.Gardening.Needlepoint.Bingo.Kayaking.

But the longing underneath?

It’s the same.

This Isn’t About “Just Having Fun”

This isn’t about abandoning responsibility.

It’s not about adding one more thing to an already full plate.

And it’s definitely not about forcing yourself to “have fun.”

It’s about being whole.

Because there are two ways to look at a life that consists of work + the basics.

One says:

The essentials are covered.  Everything else is optional.

But there’s another way to see it.

There’s a real cost.

I’m less of myself when I’m not tending to all the parts of me — especially the parts that bring me joy.

And for me, there’s something spiritual here too.

I feel God’s delight in me when I engage in creative play.

There’s something about using the gifts I’ve been given… not for productivity, but simply for expression.

And losing that?

Losing the sense of that delight?

That’s a big price to pay.

Rest Isn’t Enough:  What Renewal Adds

One of the ways I think about this now is through the lens of rest and renewal.

Rest replenishes energy.  (For me, that might look like reading a novel.)

But renewal is different.  Renewal generates new or different energy.  It engages parts of us that don’t always get used in our day-to-day lives.

Creative play is a form of renewal.

And for many of us… it’s the missing piece.

A Gentle Place to Start

I don’t think this is something that needs to be solved all at once.

The questions aren’t:

“What should I do?”“How do I fit this in?”

Instead, I think it starts with noticing.

What helps me feel like myself?

What have I stopped making space for?

What might I be willing to reintroduce… even in a small way?

If you’re not sure where to begin, I created something that might help.

Self-Care That Sticks is a simple guide to help you identify what you actually need — not just what sounds good or looks good on paper.

Because real self-care isn’t about adding more.

It’s about understanding what truly renews you… and learning how to make space for that in a way that’s realistic and sustainable.

Because life doesn’t have to stay purely functional.

And that part of you that feels a little forgotten?

It might not be gone.

It might just be waiting… for a little more room, and for someone to notice that it’s missing.

Next week in Creativity in Real Life, I want to take this one step further.

Because creativity isn’t just about what we do.

It can also shape how we relate to God.

What if creativity is less about figuring things out…and more about noticing, listening, and responding?

What if it’s a way of co-creating—paying attention to what God is already doing, and choosing how we want to join in?

That’s where we’re headed next.

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