The Trouble with ‘Fine’: Why Settling Isn’t the Same as Satisfied
My husband and I once heard this joke—maybe you’ve heard it too?
It went something like this:
“Gentlemen, take note: when a woman says she’s ‘fine,’ that’s a four-letter F-word. And it does not mean what you think it means.”
We laughed, because… it’s true.
“Fine” might be the most passive-aggressive word in the English language.
And sure, sometimes it’s a mask for frustration or annoyance.
But more often? I think it’s a cover for something quieter—and more dangerous.
Resignation. Fear. Disconnection.
And worse yet, what if we’re not just saying we’re fine when we’re not?
What if we’re actually living like we’re fine—when something deep down knows we’re not?
When Everything Looks Good—But You Still Feel Empty
Here’s the thing about “fine”: it’s not failure.
It’s not crisis or chaos.
It’s life that mostly works. A full calendar, a functioning routine, responsibilities handled.
You’re competent. People count on you. You show up.
But inside?
Something’s missing.
Or off.
Or slowly wearing thin.
Maybe you feel a little disconnected—from God, from yourself, from joy.
Maybe your energy is low, your motivation is hit-or-miss, and the things that used to fill you up now just feel like one more thing.
Maybe you’ve stopped asking what you want, because it feels selfish, or silly, or just… irrelevant.
And maybe when you do get a little time for yourself—like in the evening after work—you don’t even know what to do with it.
So you scroll. Or binge. Or just zone out.
Not because you’re lazy.
But because you’re tired. Because it takes energy to choose something meaningful when your soul feels spent.
And yet, when someone asks how you’re doing, you say it:
“I’m fine.”
Because technically, you are.
But also? You’re not.
I’ve Been There: Living the Life That’s “Fine” on the Outside
If you followed my recent Lessons from the In-Between series, you know I’ve had some significant transitions over the last few years—especially the one that came after I lost my job and before I started this business.
But looking back, I can see that I was “fine” for a long time before that.
I wasn’t miserable. I wasn’t failing. I wasn’t falling apart.
But I was settling.
Settling for work that no longer challenged or inspired me.
Settling for a system that felt stuck—where change was slow and politics ran deep.
Settling for a version of myself that kept the peace, but lost some of her passion.
I told myself it was fine. And for a while, I wanted to believe it.
Because naming the discomfort felt risky.
Because imagining something different felt… impossible.
And truthfully? I didn’t know what else was possible.
“Fine” felt safer than admitting I was stuck.
“Fine” was easier to carry than the weight of unknowns.
But – here’s the thing: I wasn’t lying when I said I was fine.
I just hadn’t woken up yet to what was really going on.
From Pretty Good to Fully Alive : The Wake Up Call That Changed Everything
I’ve seen this pattern in the women I coach, too.
Like Barb, who came to me saying:
“My life was pretty good, and I just wanted to do a bit of refocusing as I move toward retirement.”
What she didn’t expect was the wake-up call.
“I discovered a long-standing pattern of being attentive to everyone else’s needs while diminishing my own,” she told me.
“I’d been expecting others to meet my needs—and I’d grown accustomed to swallowing the disappointment that inevitably resulted.”
Through our work together, she found her voice. Her clarity. Her plan.
She moved from “pretty good” to fully alive.
“Now I know where to put my energy. I have a clear vision of who I want to be and who I want with me. Best of all, this isn’t just a dream—it’s a real, livable plan.”
That’s what can happen when we stop calling “fine” good enough.
Are You Stuck in the “Fine” Trap?
Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re stuck in “fine” until something shakes us.
But there are little signs we can start to notice:
You sigh a lot—and you’re not sure why.
You say yes to things you don’t really want to do.
You fantasize about a break, a change, a different life—but talk yourself out of it.
You’re tired, but not just physically.
You feel like something’s missing… but you don’t know what.
If any of that hits home, I just want to say:
You’re not broken.
You’re not behind.
You’re just ready for something new.
And that something? It doesn’t have to be dramatic.
Sometimes the biggest shifts come from the smallest, bravest choices:
Like telling the truth.
Like asking for help.
Like finally saying, “Maybe I’m not fine.”
What’s Really Going On Beneath “I’m Fine”
If this stirred something in you, I’d love to invite you to a free, no-pressure call.
It’s a space to name what’s feeling off, even if you can’t fully explain it yet.
To sort through what’s fine—and what’s not.
To get curious about what needs to shift, and how you might begin.
No quick fixes. No shame. Just honest conversation and a few powerful questions to help you start moving from survival to something more sustainable, soulful, and true.
If that sounds like something your soul could use, book a free 30-minute call with me.
I’d be honored to walk with you for a bit—and help you move from fine to free – a much better 4-letter-F-word.
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