Tired in a Way Sleep Can’t Fix? Try These 3 Types of Self-Care That Actually Work
A few months ago, I had a stretch where I found myself saying things like, “If I could just get one good night of sleep, maybe I’d feel like myself again…”
But the truth is—I’d had a few good nights of sleep. And I still felt off.
Like my energy was leaking out of me no matter how carefully I tried to hold it.
It’s made me wonder:
Am I just tired…
Or is it something more?
When “Tired” Runs Deeper Than Sleep Can Fix
I was catching up with a friend the other day—one of those “we really need to connect” kind of conversations that ends up being good for the soul. She shared everything she’d been carrying lately: a heavy workload, personal grief, family caregiving, and walking closely with loved ones through their own hard things. She finally paused and said quietly, “It’s a lot. And I’m tired.”
I heard her heart.
It wasn’t the kind of tired that a nap would fix.
It wasn’t just about sleep, or stress, or scheduling.
It was the kind of exhaustion that goes deeper. The kind that asks for more than rest.
So I asked her, gently:
“Which of these do you need most right now—
To replenish your energy,
To generate new or different energy,
Or to pause, reflect, and notice your energy?”
She got quiet as she pondered.
And having those options helped her figure out what she really needed.
Not All Tired Is Created Equal
Yes, we all get tired.
But not all tired is the same.
There’s a difference between being worn out from a busy week and feeling depleted in a way that’s hard to name.
So how do we tell the difference?
Here’s one way I’ve started to notice the shift in myself (and in the women I coach):
Everyday Tired
A good night’s sleep helps
You know what’s draining you
You can still access joy
You bounce back
Soul-Level Depletion
Even rest doesn’t refresh
You’re not sure what’s off
You feel dulled, disconnected
You keep bouncing around
One is a signal to take a break.
The other is a whisper to look deeper.
What Your Fatigue Is Really Saying (And Why It Matters)
When we’re constantly overextended or “on,” we can lose track of what’s really going on under the surface. It’s easy to start feeling like we’re the problem—like we’re just not strong enough, organized enough, motivated enough…
But what if our tiredness isn’t a sign of weakness?
What if it’s wisdom—your body, your spirit, your soul—trying to get your attention?
I’ve come to believe that noticing—just paying attention without judgment—is the first sacred step.
Because not all tired is the same. And not all care is, either.
What I’ve learned through my own seasons of depletion (and through walking with women like my friend) is this:
When we feel tired all the time, it’s not usually because we’re doing too little self-care.
It’s because we’re doing the wrong kind.
Rest, Renew, Review: The 3 Kinds of Care You Probably Overlook
There are actually different kinds of care we need at different times.
And most of us haven’t been taught to recognize the difference.
So when I asked my friend what she needed most—to replenish, to generate, or to reflect—I was really asking her which kind of care would help her feel like herself again.
Here’s how I break it down:
Rest – for when your energy is empty and you need to refill the tank.
(Think: sleep, quiet, stillness, soft things.)Renew – for when your energy is stale or heavy and you need something new.
(Think: joy, beauty, creativity, connection.)Review – for when your energy feels scattered and you need to pause, reflect, and recalibrate.
(Think: journaling, prayer, noticing what’s working and what’s not.)
Each of these is a valid, life-giving response to depletion.
The key is learning which one you need—and being gentle enough with yourself to offer it.
Why It’s So Hard to Give Ourselves What We Need
A lot of us are great at caring for others—but struggle to care for ourselves in ways that truly restore us.
We wait for things to slow down.
We minimize our own needs.
We tell ourselves we’ll get to it after we finish everything else.
But here’s the truth I’ve had to learn (and relearn):
You don’t have to earn rest.
You don’t have to justify your joy.
You don’t need permission to pause.
Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s strategic.
It’s not indulgent. It’s intelligent.
It’s not a luxury—it’s how we learn to live and lead in a way that’s actually sustainable.
It helps us show up—not just for others, but as our real selves.
It’s how we honor who we were created to be.
Not because we’ve earned it. Not because we have time for it.
But because we’re worth it.
Making Self-Care Work: A Simple Guide for Real Life
If this is resonating—if you’re feeling off, or over it, or just not quite like yourself—I want to offer something to help.
I created a short, simple guide called Self-Care That Sticks: A Simple 4-Step Guide to What You Actually Need.
It’s not another list of “shoulds.”
It’s not a one-size-fits-all formula.
It’s a gentle, soulful process to help you:
Tune into your energy—without guilt
Identify what kind of care you need most right now
Make a personalized plan that feels doable (even in a busy week)
Take one small, meaningful step toward feeling like yourself again
It also includes a bonus video where I share real-life examples and encouragement to help you get started.
Click here to download the guide and video.
Not Lazy, Just Listening: Your Invitation to Pause and Care
So if you're feeling stretched thin, stuck in survival mode, or sensing it’s time for something new…
Maybe this isn’t a crisis.
Maybe it’s a calling.
You’re being invited to pay attention.
To care for the woman God made you to be.
To make space for what really matters—and let go of what doesn’t.
You’re not here to endlessly pour out without being poured into.
You were made for wholeness—not just service.
And caring for yourself honors the One who created you.
What might happen if you gave yourself permission to care for yourself?
You don’t have to figure it all out today.
But you can take one small step.
Let that step be kind.
Let it be clear.
Let it be care that actually sticks.
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