Living Intentionally While Becoming

As I wrap up The Upgrade series, I find myself reflecting on what this season actually means for our real lives—and what it may be inviting us to consider.

I’ve slowly realized that this time of life isn’t an illness.

It’s not something to diagnose, manage, or “get through” so I can eventually get back to normal. It’s not a temporary disruption or a detour from my real life.

It is a seismic shift in my real life.

In many ways, it’s seismic shift in my real self.

And because of that - it’s also an invitation.

An invitation to embrace the new and different person I am becoming.

That realization didn’t arrive all at once. It’s come gradually, through noticing—through paying attention to what no longer fits, what feels harder than it used to, and what I can’t ignore anymore. And perhaps most honestly, through recognizing that waiting for things to “settle down” or “go back” isn’t actually an option.

This season isn’t passing through me.
It’s shaping me.

Letting This Season Be What It Is

Naming that truth can stir up a lot.

There’s grief here.
Grief for bodies that don’t respond the way they once did.
For roles that are changing or ending.
For capacities that feel different.
For dreams or versions of ourselves that no longer fit the life we’re living.

And there’s fear too.

That quiet, unsettling sense of I don’t quite feel like myself anymore… and I’m not sure who I’ll be on the other side of this.

None of that means something has gone wrong.

It means we’re standing at a threshold.

Midlife—and menopause in particular—is not just a physical transition. It’s an identity shift. And pretending it’s temporary often creates more strain than relief. There comes a point when continuing to react, adapt, and push through no longer works—not because we’re failing, but because we’re changing.

When Our Sense of Self No Longer Fits

Many women I talk with describe this as a kind of misalignment.

Who they are becoming on the inside is creating friction with how their life is structured on the outside. Expectations—internal and external—keep pulling them into patterns that no longer fit their values, needs, or energy.

Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it’s unmistakable.

But over time, it becomes clear: something needs to be reoriented.

Reordering the Foundation of Our Lives

I often use a simple image to describe this—a triangle.

When our lives are arranged like an upside-down triangle, everything rests on a very small sense of self. Work, responsibilities, relationships, commitments—all stacked on top, requiring constant effort just to keep things from tipping over.

It’s no wonder we feel exhausted so often, like the weight of the world is on us.  It’s the weight of everything we’ve been balancing on a very small – and changing – sense of self.

In seasons like midlife, that arrangement becomes harder to sustain.

What if we turn the triangle right-side up?

When our real self becomes the sturdy base—when life and work are aligned to who we are, rather than demanding that we contort ourselves to fit them—something shifts. There’s more stability. More integrity. More room to breathe.

This isn’t about doing less for the sake of doing less.
It’s about getting clearer about who we are – our real self, the very part of us that changes the most in this season of life.  And then living in alignment with who we’re becoming.

Choosing How to Live—Without Rushing to Decide

This is where choice enters the picture.

Not dramatic, once-and-for-all decisions—but smaller, steadier choices.

Choosing how we want to live isn’t a single event. It’s a process. Not a task to check off a list, but an ongoing practice of discernment. Usually, it happens a little bit at a time.

We choose how we spend our time.
What we tolerate—and what we no longer do.
How we care for ourselves.
How we show up in our relationships.
What we give our energy to, and what we release.

These choices don’t require having everything figured out. They’re less about deciding who we will be and more about choosing how we want to live while we’re becoming.

Intention, not urgency, is what matters here.

Holding Life Intentionally

In seasons like this, what often helps isn’t a list of answers—but a way of holding life intentionally.

Sometimes I describe this as a modern-day rule of life. Not a rigid system or a set of prescriptions, but a simple structure that supports growth. Like a trellis that supports a growing vine—offering guidance and protection without forcing the shape of what’s growing.

A rule of life doesn’t tell us who to become.
It creates space for becoming.

It helps our real self remain the sturdy base, while life continues to grow and change around it.

Readiness, Not Resolution

This is where readiness shows up.

Not readiness to decide everything.
Not readiness to commit to a fully formed next chapter.

But readiness to stop pretending this is temporary.

Readiness to say: I don’t need answers yet—but I do need support and structure while I live these questions.

For some women, this season calls for accompaniment. A place to be held while things clarify. A container for intentional becoming over time.  A process to help sort what no longer fits from who I’m becoming.

That’s the heart of Real Life Refresh—not as a solution to midlife as though it is a problem, but as a way of responding to midlife as an opportunity to grow into the fullness of who we might yet become.

If you’re sensing that kind of readiness, the next faithful step may simply be a conversation—to explore what support could look like for you.

Reflection

As you sit with all of this, you might gently ask yourself:

Where am I ready to stop treating this season as temporary—and begin living as if it matters?

What kind of support or structure would help me live more intentionally while I’m becoming the next version of me?

A Pause—Today

If you’re reading this today and feeling the weight of this threshold, there is also still space to join the final At a Pause Point: Listening for What’s Next session later today. It’s a chance to pause, reflect, and listen—without needing to decide anything beyond that.

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