Start with Who: The Power of Being Before Doing
This post is part of my Lessons from the In-Between series—real stories and honest reflections on what helped me find my next step when the path ahead wasn’t clear. I’ve talked about changing your mind, finding clarity in action, and the gift in “no”, and grieving your losses. But now, let’s talk about taking time for your “being” before you start “doing.”
When life feels uncertain, I usually want to do something.
Make a list. Create a plan. Take a step—any step—that feels like progress.
And honestly? That tendency has served me well in a lot of ways.
But when I found myself in the in-between a few years ago—midlife, mid-pandemic, mid-wondering what was next—I didn’t need another productivity plan.
I needed a pause.
Not a dramatic “eat-pray-love” reset. Just space to reflect on who I was becoming… not just what I should be doing.
And while I didn’t know it then, that space would become the foundation for every meaningful step that came next.
Time to reflect.
Time to listen.
Time to begin the work of being before jumping back into doing.
When Doing Feels Like Control (But Isn’t)
At the start of the pandemic, I lost the job I’d held for over 20 years.
It wasn’t just a job—it had been my work, my ministry, my calling. I’d spent half my life there.
And just like that, it was gone.
Getting a similar job—or even staying in the same field—wasn’t really an option.
So I found myself in an unfamiliar space. Unemployed. In midlife. In a global crisis.
And more than anything, in the in-between.
It wasn’t just about finding a new job.
It was about figuring out who I was when all the familiar structures fell away.
Naturally, I felt the pull to do something.
To update a résumé. Apply for a role. Get a plan together.
Because doing feels safe. Productive. Like progress.
It’s familiar territory when the ground underneath starts to shift.
But this time, I didn’t rush to fill the space.
I had enough clarity to know that if I skipped the being part, I’d end up saying yes to the wrong thing.
Or worse—rebuilding a life that looked good on the outside but left me feeling misaligned and invisible on the inside.
When Action Becomes Avoidance
Here’s something I’ve noticed—in my own life and in the lives of so many women I coach:
When we’re unsure of what’s next, we default to doing.
We stay busy. We stay helpful. We stay in motion.
Because motion feels like control.
But sometimes? Action is just avoidance in disguise.
It keeps us from sitting with the deeper questions.
Questions like:
Who am I now?
What do I truly need?
What am I being invited to become?
It’s easy to skip these because they take time, and space, and stillness.
But if we skip over them, we risk living someone else’s life—or recreating old patterns that never quite fit.
We might be tempted to skip this type of reflection because it seems indulgent or impractical. But here’s the truth: This kind of reflection can actually save time and spare heartache.
Inner work is not a detour—it’s a directional tool. Our needs and values become our True North. When we know them, we don’t just wander—we walk with purpose.
The truth is: we can’t map a path forward until we know where we’re starting from.
And that starting point isn’t just our résumé or our role. It’s our real self.
Knowing Yourself Is a Spiritual Practice
In that season of uncertainty, I found myself praying a lot of “What now, God?” prayers.
“What do You want of me now?”
“What do You have for me next?”
“Who am I… really… now?”
And while I believe God does guide us, I’ve also come to believe this:
God doesn’t just hand us a blueprint.
God invites us into co-creation.
Yes, God provides.
But God also partners—with us.
So when we take the time to name our needs, values, and strengths—not in a self-centered way, but in a soul-centered way—we’re not just doing personal development.
We’re engaging in spiritual formation.
Because who do you think gave you those needs, values, and talents in the first place?
God knit each of us together in ways that are unique, meaningful, and powerful.
And when we begin to understand how we’re wired, we begin to connect with God more deeply and see more clearly what God might be calling us toward.
This isn’t navel-gazing.
It’s sacred noticing.
It’s listening for the Spirit’s movement within our design.
The more we know our real self, the more we’re able to recognize what is (and isn’t) ours to do.
And often, the answer to “What now, God?” begins with a deeper understanding of who we are—and whose we are.
Map Your Path From the Inside Out
That deeper question about my real self felt both freeing and frustrating.
Freeing because it opened the door to something new.
Frustrating because—well, I still like to do things. Reflecting is great, but I wanted something a little more tangible.
So I used a simple “work-around.” I started with my “doing” and let it lead me to my “being.” I made two simple lists.
What I had loved about my previous work
What I hadn’t
At first, it looked like a task inventory. “Liked teaching workshops. Didn’t like endless emails.” That kind of thing.
Then I noticed that I started adding things about the work environment, attitudes, and culture.
And I didn’t stop there. For each item on the lists, I asked myself why.
What did I love about that experience?
What drained me about this one?
What made me feel like myself—and what made me feel small?
And with each layer, I started to see something deeper:
I need creativity and connection.
I value authenticity and meaningful impact.
I thrive when I can teach, coach, write, and help others grow.
I feel depleted when I’m managing organizational politics, pushing for newness against closed minds, or operating in spaces that aren’t aligned with my values.
Those lists became more than a reflection.
They became a mirror. A compass. A reminder of who I was—and what I needed to stay whole.
The Shift That Changes Everything
This kind of clarity doesn’t usually arrive in a lightning bolt.
It comes in layers. Insights that build over time. Little nudges that help us realign.
But once I started paying attention to my needs and values—really naming them—I found it easier to make decisions that felt right, not just reasonable.
It was a shift from doing by default to being with intention. And that changed everything.
I stopped second-guessing every opportunity.
I had language for why something didn’t sit well.
And I had more confidence in what I actually wanted to say yes to.
When we know our real self- our needs, our values, and our natural talents—we don’t just move forward…
We move forward with integrity.
This isn’t just helpful in seasons of transition.
It’s helpful for living well.
Ready to Begin? Start with Your Real Self
If you’re in a season of change—or even just sensing that something inside you is ready to shift—this might be your invitation to pause.
Not forever. But long enough to ask yourself:
What do I need in this season to feel grounded, whole, and well?
What do I value—not just in theory, but in practice?
Where have I felt most alive, and what made that possible?
If those questions feel hard to answer on your own, I’ve created a free Needs & Values Assessment to help.
It’s a practical tool with reflection prompts that can help you get clear on what matters most—so you can make decisions that align with the life you actually want to live. It’s a tool I wish I’d had sooner, and that’s why I’m so happy to be able to share it with you now.
Download the free Needs & Values Assessment
It can help you name your real self.
What you need to feel whole.
What lights you up.
And how to walk forward—not just with purpose, but with peace.
The In-Between Isn’t Wasted—It’s Sacred Becoming
I used to think I had to figure everything out before I could move forward.
Now I know that clarity doesn’t always come before the next step.
But it does come more easily when I’m grounded in who I am.
So if you’re in the middle of something—between roles, identities, or life chapters—maybe start here:
Not with what you need to do.
But with who you are becoming.
That’s the question that changed everything for me.
And it might just be the one that changes everything for you, too.
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