Find Your Mirrors: How Outside Voices Guide You Through Transition
This post is part of my Lessons from the In-Between series—real stories and honest reflections on how I found my way forward when the path ahead wasn’t clear. In previous posts, I’ve talked about:
Now, let’s flip the metaphor and talk about how much we need others to be a mirror for us.
During my in-between season, I was doing all the inner work.
Journaling.
Praying.
Doing an online retreat.
Reading a book on discernment.
Doing deep reflection on who I was and what mattered most.
And honestly? It was bearing good fruit—maybe a little too much.
Instead of clarity, I had… options.
So. many. options. Lots of possibilities, but no clear direction.
I was mired in uncertainty, unsure what to trust—especially in myself.
If I’m being honest, I was still a little shaken.
While I didn’t feel at fault for the job loss that had nudged me into this in-between space, it had rattled something in me.
It made me question whether I was as gifted or capable as I’d believed.
I had done the “being” work.
But when it came time to figure out the “doing”?
I wasn’t sure where to start.
And that’s when I started to learn something else:
Getting in touch with our real self from the inside out is essential.
But sometimes, we need mirrors.
Outside voices can help us see the good that’s already there.
Too Close to See: The Blind Spot in Self-Discovery
There’s a lot of power in going inward.
But we don’t always see ourselves clearly.
Especially when we’re listening through a filter of fear or self-doubt.
Our inner critic tends to speak louder than our inner cheerleader.
And often, we’re so close to our own gifts that we miss just how meaningful they are.
I remember telling a coach about some training and development work I had done and how much I loved it.
“But,” I said, “I don’t know that I can build a business on that. Those things I love to do—they just feel so obvious.”
He smiled and said something I’ve never forgotten:
“What’s obvious to you isn’t always obvious to others.”
That was a shift.
I started to see that the very things I thought were “normal” or “nothing special” were actually signs of something sacred and significant.
It made me wonder:
What parts of me have I been overlooking—simply because they come so naturally?
What have I internalized from my inner critic that might not actually be true?
The Power of Being Seen and Named
Some of the most powerful affirmations in my life haven’t come from a journal prompt or a quiet time—they’ve come from the trusted voices of the people who know me best.
Like the person who told me:
“You always know the right question to ask.”
Or the one who said:
“You make complicated things feel simple and relatable.”
And another who offered:
“You’re such a process person.”
At first, I brushed these off.
I thought, Isn’t everyone like that?
Turns out… no.
These affirmations helped me see my strengths through someone else’s eyes.
They didn’t give me answers—but they gave me courage.
And sometimes, that’s just as powerful.
It’s made me ask:
Who helps me remember who I really am?
Who do I trust to tell me the truth—not just about my struggles, but about my strengths?
Who reminds me of the parts of myself I’ve forgotten?
Good Tools Reveal Good Truths
I’ve also found that tools—when used wisely—can act as mirrors too.
Not as labels, but as lenses.
I’d known my CliftonStrengths results for years, but during my in-between season, I revisited them with new curiosity.
Belief. Connectedness.
Those two themes, woven together, pointed me toward what I’d been craving all along: a life grounded in meaning and purpose.
And when I took a new assessment focused on “purpose drivers”? I was surprised. I’d always seen myself as someone drawn to systemic change and social impact.
But the results showed that I actually draw my deepest energy from working with individuals.
It didn’t mean I couldn’t do group work—just that I was wired to thrive when I could witness real transformation, up close and personal, in the members of that group.
That clarity helped me weed out some of the ideas I’d been considering.
It helped me move forward with more intention.
Which made me reflect:
What have I assumed about myself that might need re-examining?
What tools or resources could help me see what’s been there all along?
Internal + External = Greater Alignment
Eventually, I came to see that discernment isn’t just about listening inward.
It’s about listening well—to God, to trusted voices, to wise tools, and yes… to myself.
At just the right time, I attended a virtual conference.
The final speaker gave us a challenge:
Ask 5–10 people to describe you in three words.
Then—post it on social media and invite others to respond too.
I hesitated. (Because… vulnerability.)
But I took the leap.
I was floored by the response—not just how many people replied, but what they shared.
There was variety, of course. But there were also strong, consistent themes.
Words like faith-filled, dedicated, thoughtful.
Reading those words didn’t magically erase my doubts.
But they offered something else:
Confirmation of what I already sensed.
Clarity about what I hadn’t yet seen.
And it reminded me of something sacred:
What’s obvious to others isn’t always obvious to me.
And what’s obvious to me might just be the thing someone else is desperately searching for.
Perspective, Not Permission
Before I wrap this up, I think it’s worth saying:
Seeking outside voices is powerful—but only when we’re not outsourcing our worth to them.
There’s a difference between seeking perspective and seeking permission.
Between receiving input and relying on it to define us.
And believe me, I’ve done both.
Sometimes we go to others too soon—hoping they’ll fix our confusion, tell us who we are, or make the decision for us.
But that kind of seeking usually comes from a place of fear or insecurity.
And it often leads to more confusion, not less.
For me, the timing mattered.
That inner work—praying, journaling, grieving, reflecting—gave me a foundation.
It helped me remember who I was—before asking others to reflect it back to me.
But I also think these two processes—inner work and outer perspective—often happen in tandem.
They inform and reinforce each other.
Healthy mirrors don’t replace our voice; they help us hear it more clearly.
So the question isn’t just:
Whose perspective do I seek?
But also:
Why am I seeking it—and am I rooted enough to receive it with discernment?
So If You’re in the In-Between…
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
In fact, you probably shouldn’t.
Because discernment isn’t a test you pass on your own.
It’s a journey you take with God—and with others.
When I was in the thick of the in-between, I didn’t need someone to give me the answers.
I just needed someone (or a community of someones) to help me remember the truth about myself.
To literally help me re-member myself.
To help me put the pieces back together again—maybe in a slightly new way.
So maybe this week, instead of trying harder to find the answer, the invitation is to ask a better question:
Who do I trust to speak truth into my life?
What feedback or affirmation have I been resisting or downplaying?
Where might I need a mirror to help me see what God already sees?
Coaching, assessments, friends, prayer—all of these can be holy ground when we use them wisely.
Because at the end of the day?
We don’t seek outside voices because we’re broken.
We seek them because we’re becoming.
And we need their perspective—not to define us, but to remind us and help us become who we truly are.
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