When Saying No Opens the Door to What’s Next
This post is part of my Lessons from the In-Between series—real stories and honest reflections on how I found my way forward when the path ahead wasn’t clear. In previous posts, I’ve talked about:
the importance of being before doing - of knowing your real self
the value of outside perspectives to help us see ourselves clearly
Now, let’s look at what can come from making brave choices.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about the kind of no that finds us. The kind we didn’t choose—like a closed door or a path that didn’t pan out. It can feel disappointing or disorienting at first, but sometimes those no’s create surprising space for something better.
This time, I want to talk about another kind of no—the kind of no we choose for ourselves. The kind that’s brave – but uncertain.
The kind that doesn’t come wrapped in clarity and confidence—but shows up in the middle of the muddle. The kind that’s hard to say, not because the option is terrible, but because it’s actually… fine. Good, even. Logical. Sensible. Respectable.
But not right.
When “Good Enough” Isn’t Good for Growth
I still remember the ache of wanting to move forward when I wasn’t sure what forward even meant.
I was a few months into unemployment when I finally got a response to my resume. I had the initial interview, and they invited me back for a second. It was a solid organization with a decent role—one that would have provided structure, income, and a return to stability. I was grateful for the opportunity.
And I said no.
At the time, I wasn’t turning it down in favor of a clear and exciting “yes.” I was turning it down in favor of a half-baked business idea and a quiet hope I’d been carrying since a retreat the year before. I knew the role on the table wasn’t work that really lit me up—and I had enough self-awareness to know that if I said yes to it, I’d probably settle in. I’d stay. I’d get comfortable with “good enough” and never take the leap toward something better.
There’s a saying I picked up from one of my mentors:
It’s easier to say no when you have a bigger yes.
It’s inspiring, and it’s true.
But what if your bigger yes is still a whisper? What if it’s not even fully formed yet—just a sense, a nudge, a possibility?
That’s where it gets tricky. And that’s where courage comes in.
The Courage to Leave Room for Something Better
I leaned into courage—and my bigger yes—and started to develop my business idea.
Not long after that, a former colleague reached out about a consulting opportunity. The work would’ve been adjacent to my dream—close enough to justify a yes. It would’ve provided some income and even helped launch my new business. The leadership team showed promise. It was a chance to make an impact.
But every time I tried to talk myself into it, something in me hesitated.
I didn’t know exactly what I wanted my business to become, but I knew it wasn’t that. Even though it was closer to aligned, it still didn’t feel like a step toward the thing I was trying to build. If anything, it felt like a trap—a practical yes that might keep me stuck in my old identity and prevent me from seeing what else was possible.
So again, I said no.
And that no pushed me to get clearer about what I truly wanted.
More recently, I turned down another consulting project. This one was with people I really liked and respected. It touched on work I’m passionate about. And it would’ve offered a reliable stream of income for two to three years. On paper, it looked great.
But I had this growing clarity about where I most wanted to focus my energy. I knew I wanted to grow something else—and if I said yes to this, it would take time and attention away from what I felt called to build. It wasn’t a bad fit. But it wasn’t the best fit either.
Sometimes we have to say no to good things to protect the great things we’re still growing.
More than Career Direction: Saying No in the Rest of Life
While my stories come from career and business transitions, this idea of saying no to create space for something better shows up in every area of life.
Sometimes it’s not a job you’re trying to walk away from—it’s a role, a rhythm, a relationship… or a version of yourself that no longer fits.
Here are a few “almost right” yeses I often see keeping people—especially women—from the growth they crave:
Saying yes to a relationship that looks good on paper—but deep down, you know it doesn’t nurture you.
Saying yes to a volunteer role, committee, or ministry that used to bring joy, but now just brings obligation.
Saying yes to caregiving out of guilt, not calling—because it’s easier than facing how tired and resentful you’ve become.
Saying yes to the social events, routines, or circles that leave you drained instead of connected.
Saying yes to the old version of yourself—the one who keeps everyone else comfortable, even as you shrink inside.
Sometimes the no you need to say isn’t to a person or an opportunity—it’s to a pattern.
It’s to the version of life that used to work, but no longer fits who you’re becoming.
The work of “becoming” doesn’t just happen in our young adult years. It is always ongoing, and for women near, at, or after age 50, the work of “becoming” can actually click into a higher gear – if we let it.
We might come to these in-between places and be tempted to say yes to what’s familiar.
To what other people expect.
To what makes sense on paper.
And sometimes the most faithful, most courageous thing we can do is say no.
How to Know When It’s Time to Say No
That’s the big question, right?
For me, it usually shows up in my body first. When I thought about saying yes to those things, I felt anxious. Heavy. Uneasy. I found myself ruminating and overthinking. I lost sleep.
But when I imagined saying no?
Relief.
Peace.
And once I made the decision, I didn’t keep second-guessing. My mind stopped spinning, and my body settled. It felt like alignment. Like clarity.
It also felt terrifying—because I was saying no without a guarantee of what would come next.
But here’s another truth I’ve learned the hard way:
We often say we’re waiting for confidence before we take the next step.
But confidence comes after we’ve done the brave thing.
Before that? What we need is courage.
And courage doesn’t mean we’re not afraid. It just means we feel the fear – and move forward anyway.
Try This: Coaching Questions to Clarify Your Yes and No
Here are a few questions I like to ask myself—and my clients—when a decision feels cloudy:
Where am I being nudged to say no, even though yes would be easier or more comfortable?
What “bigger yes” might I be afraid to trust right now?
What would it take to choose courage over comfort?
If I said no to what’s not quite right, what space might open up for what is?
When No is an Act of Trust
Saying no is rarely easy—especially when there’s no immediate payoff or tidy next step.
But it’s not reckless.
It’s not quitting.
And it’s not selfish.
It’s a declaration of trust.
A statement of alignment.
An invitation for something more.
Sometimes, when we say no with intention, we’re not just closing a door.
We’re we’re opening a window to what might be waiting—even when we can’t see it yet.
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