What Does It Mean to Build a Life That Fits You?

For a while, I followed some pretty successful business people who had very clear ideas about how to grow a business.

More social media. More video. More reach.

Run ads. Send DMs. Make reels. Capture B-roll of yourself doing ordinary things so you'll have something to turn into content later.

And I tried.

Not all of it. And not always very enthusiastically. But enough that I spent a fair amount of time thinking I should be doing more of it.

Because I wanted my business to grow.

The problem was, the way I was trying to grow it didn't really fit me.

I could do those things. But they drained me. And somehow, no matter how much I did, there was always more I wasn't doing.

I regularly felt behind. And not enough.

Eventually I began to realize that I didn't just get to choose whether I wanted my business to grow.

I got to choose what kind of business I wanted to grow.

And how I wanted to grow it.

I've thought about that again recently because this summer I've done a lot of different kinds of work.

And of all of it, the time when I felt most like myself was during the TEAL Community retreat I facilitated in July.

Not because it was easy.

There was plenty of preparation. Lots of logistics to figure out.  There were parts I wasn't entirely sure how I would facilitate until we got there, and even parts I needed to change as the weekend unfolded. And leading a multi-day retreat takes energy.

But I felt like I was in my element.

The work drew on things I care deeply about. It used my strengths. I got to create and teach and facilitate and have meaningful conversations with people I care about.

It felt like me.

And I think that's an important distinction.

Fit Doesn't Mean Easy

Something that fits isn't necessarily easy. 

And something that doesn't fit isn't necessarily bad.

Sometimes it simply means that one way of working—or living—allows more of who I am and what matters to me to be present.

I think that's part of what it means to build a life that fits.

Not a perfectly balanced life.

Not a life without responsibilities, difficult people, full weeks, disappointments, or things I'd really rather not do.

And definitely not a life where I get everything I want.

In fact, a life that fits may not look dramatically different from the outside.

But I've seen how different it can feel from the inside.

What It Looks Like in Real Life

I've watched women I've worked with...

Take a day off for a mini-retreat instead of pushing through until the next holiday weekend.

Accept help from siblings in caring for an aging parent—and be okay with not carrying all of it themselves.

Say yes to a spontaneous trip that brought tremendous delight because they realized that, despite all their responsibilities, nothing was actually so critical that they couldn't go.

Say no to another class or certification they genuinely wanted because they recognized that adding one more thing right now would cost them too much.

Choose a new job not because it was the perfect forever job, but because it fit what they needed and valued now.

Realize it was time to retire—not because they couldn't work anymore, but because they wanted time for other parts of themselves.

Make room for a writing project they'd wanted to pursue for years but had continually put behind everyone else's needs.

Even navigate difficult things they absolutely did not choose—illness, difficult family relationships, an unexpected job loss—with more calm, confidence, and grace.

Those choices are all over the map.

And I think that's the point.

There isn't one particular set of choices that creates a life that fits.

Taking the trip isn't better than staying home. Saying no isn't inherently wiser than saying yes. Retiring isn't better than continuing to work. Accepting help doesn't mean caring less.

What’s important is knowing myself well enough to recognize what matters in this season—and to let that knowledge shape how I live.

My needs get to be part of the equation.

So do my values. My strengths. The things that bring me joy. The things that drain me. The person I'm becoming.

More Choices Than I Thought

When I begin including all of that, something else happens.

I start to see more choices.

Not choices about everything. There are plenty of things in life I can't control.

But choices within them.

I can choose how I respond.

What I take on.

What I let go.

Where I ask for help.

What gets some of my time and attention.

What is right for now—even if it isn't right forever.

Maybe that's one of the things I most appreciate about a life that fits.

I don't have to blow up the life I already have.

But I also don't have to assume that the way I'm living it now is the only way it can be.

There may be more choices here than I thought.

And maybe a life that fits begins there.

Not with becoming someone different.

But with knowing who I am now, what matters to me now—and allowing that woman to have a say in how I live.

If you've been wondering what might fit this season of your life a little better, I'd love to help you explore that.

Come join me for Find Your Fit to discover some choices and possibilities that might already be waiting for you.

Like this blog? 

Sign up to get new posts delivered directly to your inbox!