Before You Explain It Away, Get Curious

I have a pair of black cropped dress pants that I wore all the time last summer.

You know the kind. They went with everything. Networking meeting? Black pants. Presentation? Black pants. Church? Yep. Black pants.

At some point, I noticed that the button was getting loose.

I also noticed that when I took the pants off, that button left a rather distinct imprint on my belly.

Apparently, the pants had…tightened.

But there was always something more important to do than sew on a button. So I kept wearing them.

Until eventually, the button fell off completely.

Fortunately, the pants also had a hook-and-eye closure. And after some careful consideration, I decided the button was probably somewhat superfluous anyway.

Problem solved.

Except, of course, the button wasn't really the problem.

The fit had changed.

And I think we do this with more than pants.

Most of the time, something in our lives doesn't suddenly announce, “THIS DOESN'T FIT ANYMORE.”

Instead, we get little signals.  Subtle ones.  

Just in the past few conversations, I've heard women say things like:

I just realized there are things that bring me joy, and I'm hardly ever doing them.

I love my life, but I get so drained by it.

I'm always looking ahead to the next week, the next month, the next project. I hardly ever stop long enough to notice where I am now. I had a health scare recently.  Things are ok now, but I don't look at work the same way.  I'm thinking that I want more from life.

I've always been the reliable, responsible one. I don't want to change that. But I do want to figure out how to be responsible without always pushing myself too far.

None of those things necessarily means something is terribly wrong.

But I do think they're information.

Unfortunately, instead of getting curious about what those signals might be telling us, we're often pretty quick to judge them.

One of the guidelines I use in my work is Be curious first, critical second.

I usually mean that as an invitation to stay open to something long enough to consider it before deciding what we think about it.

But I've realized it applies to how we listen to ourselves, too.

And I’ll admit, I'm as guilty as anyone of being more critical than curious about what I notice about myself.

I shouldn't feel that way.

I have a good life. I should be grateful.

That's not practical.

What would that mean for everyone else?

And before I've even had a chance to wonder why something caught my attention, I've explained it away.

Recently, during a workshop, I watched something different happen.

A woman began naming some things she'd like more room for in her life—things she'd like to experience, learn, enjoy.

And as she talked, she started to light up.

She didn't make any big decisions that day. She didn't go home and rearrange her entire life.

She simply gave herself enough room to notice what she wanted without immediately dismissing it.

And as she did, some of the reasons those things hadn't seemed possible began to feel a little less insurmountable.

That's what curiosity can do.

It doesn't mean I have to act on everything I notice.

If something drains me, I don't necessarily need to stop doing it.

If I want something, I don't necessarily need to pursue it.

I'm just gathering information.

Because maybe that little voice isn't something I need to obey.

But it might be something worth hearing.

So here's a question I'm sitting with this week:

What have I been noticing lately that I've been too quick to dismiss or explain away?

Maybe it's worth getting curious about.

And if you'd like a little space to do exactly that, I'd love to have you join me for Find Your Fit: A 3-Day Challenge for Living a Life That Fits This Season, September 15–17.

We'll create some space to reconnect with who you are now, pay attention to what matters in this season, and begin exploring what might fit.

Registration is open now. I'd love to have you there.

Like this blog? 

Sign up to get new posts delivered directly to your inbox!